Why Do I Feel So Low?: The Common Causes of Low Self Esteem

Every second there’s a new photo of an enterprising young millionaire on the web.

How did they join the ranks of the ambitious?

Were they born with it?

Genes say a lot about a person but new science tells us that genes are affected by how we decide to live our lives. This means anyone can join the ranks of the highly confident and wildly ambitious.

And it starts by getting down to the heart of the matter. It starts with defining why you have low self-esteem in the first place.

Keep reading to discover common causes of low self-esteem and ways to leave them behind.

Trauma

“Let’s talk about your childhood” is the most cliched psycho-analytical phrase. And for good reason. Childhood sets the foundation for our lives.

Our formative years are where we first develop our sense of self. It’s proven that highly stressful childhoods can lead to learning disabilities.

Traumatic experiences arise from the abuse of physical, emotional, or sexual nature. Distressing events can occur at any point in your life. As a child, you’re more vulnerable to these experiences.

Trauma does not have to be the result of something violent. Losing someone you love can be traumatic. Not receiving adequate love or attention from a parent can be traumatic.

Feelings of shame and guilt weigh on your positive sense of self. You may have learned to see yourself as undeserving of good things. Learning to recognize when you are reliving a trauma or acting as a result of it will help you overcome it.

Getting over a past trauma is no easy task. You should seek out a professional to take the proper steps toward healing.

Comparing Yourself to Others

Comparing yourself to others is a natural human behavior. If you want to become a successful artist, you might compare your work to others. Then, you take the steps to keep improving your craft.

Comparison starts to hurt self-esteem when we say to ourselves ‘because they are successful that means I will never be’. Believing that you can only be successful if you had someone else’s traits is a path to failure.

To get out of this, remember that two things can exist simultaneously and both be worthy of admiration. You can be different and still accomplish your goals.

Remember also that you don’t know that other person’s whole story. People tend to avoid social media when something embarrassing happens. This means that what you see of their life is a highlight reel.

Everyone has a personal struggle on their path to fulfillment.

Growth vs. Fixed Mindset

The growth vs. fixed mindset is a concept developed by professor Carol S. Dweck. It focuses on developing a mindset for improvement. People with a fixed mindset believe that circumstances are out of their control. This leads them not to attempt to improve their situation.

People with a growth mindset believe that change comes as a result of their actions. When faced with a challenge, the growth mindset says “I just haven’t gotten it yet.”

The word ‘yet’ leaves open the possibility for change. There is space for hope.

You can have both mindsets in different areas of your life. For instance, some people believe that marriage should ‘just work’. When a problem comes up the fixed mindset will believe it is the way it is always going to be.

If you have low self-esteem, chances are good you have a fixed mindset. Believing that you can get better at a task stimulates your innate sense of motivation.

Belief System

Another common cause of low self-esteem is what you believe about yourself.

If you’ve always wanted to lose weight but your entire family is overweight, you may believe that you are supposed to be that way. This belief will make it hard for you to accomplish your goals because it is in direct conflict with them.

How we identify ourselves is influenced by everything. Religion, society, accomplishments, and failures all have a hand in shaping our self-view. Some things that worked in one part of our lives may no longer serve us.

Examine the beliefs you hold about yourself. Is there something that is holding you back from accomplishing your goals? Breaking these chains can help you establish a healthy self-image.

Negative Self Talk

Self-talk is the stream of dialog that runs in your mind about yourself. When you make a mistake, do you call yourself names in your mind? Even jokingly?

Our self-talk is first influenced by our parents. The way they speak to you will reflect how you talk to yourself.

Negative self-talk prevents you from building confidence. Confidence comes from setting goals and accomplishing them. It comes from trying new things and doing well at them. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

When you inner dialog is consistently negative, it’s hard to believe that you can get better at things. Change this negative talk with positive affirmations.

Low Self-Esteem Manifests in Everyday Life

Low self-esteem manifests as a coping behavior. Drugs and risky behavior are common forms of coping but it also shows up in more obvious ways. Binging on television and games, procrastination, workaholism are all methods of coping.

Low self-esteem shows up in our relationship choices. You might choose someone that doesn’t have your best interests in mind because of insecurity you harbor.

Anxiety, depression, and apathy are common results of low self-esteem. When your thoughts are always negative, you lose hope that you can have a fulfilling life. This leads to a lack of ambition to pursue the very things that would improve your life.

Build Yourself a Brick at a Time

To solve a problem you’ve got to get as clear as possible on the cause and the desired outcome. Then you can break it down into bite-sized pieces.

Low self-esteem develops from a combination of things. Our childhood, self-image, belief systems, and self-talk can work for us or against us. No one has ever lived that hasn’t experienced a hardship.

Have patience with yourself. Try new things a little at a time. If you don’t get it the first time, remember that you just haven’t gotten it yet.

To discover more resources for building confidence, check this out.